weapons of massdistraction

In the past couple of years I’ve heard the word “fluke” used far too many times because my life is, apparently, rather fluke-filled. This morning the husband and I went to the clinic for my post-partum checkup, and to consult with the doc about the long-anticipated autopsy report. Anatomically Felix was perfect. I could [...]

This afternoon I had a checkup with the doc who performed the c-section. Felix’s autopsy results weren’t available yet. But there was some preliminary data, from my bloodwork and placenta, that indicated placental abruption (even though I have low blood pressure rather than high, I’m under 35, and drug-free). Because of this more bloodwork [...]

Everything is moving too quickly. The funeral home just called. Felix’s remains are…ready. For us to pick up. And then what? What do we do with his ashes? When I was still in the hospital it felt like life was somehow on hold. Now it’s all full steam ahead, but everything is off-kilter. My [...]

When we first confirmed this pregnancy I worried that we might have this sort of outcome, after what had happened last time. And because I am a worrier. But I tried to push away any misgivings, and, for the most part, allowed myself to become ridiculously excited by the prospect of new baby smell. [...]