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Monthly Archives: April 2020

Holding Pattern

An unfinished puzzle has been on our dining room table for over a month. The dishwasher died before that. The bathroom sink is leaking. The whole place could use a serious deep cleaning but I’m just keeping my head above water for now. On Friday I put on a dress and lipstick for the first [...]

Uncomfortably Numb

Trauma is nothing new for me. Before all this I’d been working through some past shit. But these current conditions have put everything on pause. I’m an artist but I don’t feel creative. Most days I’m just trying to get by. Going into this past weekend I was disheartened by so many things. In particular, [...]

I Could Live in Hope

Last night I felt exceptionally useless. I ordered pizza delivery. After work I sat on the couch drinking a White Claw and cramming greasy cheese pizza into my face while playing more Animal Crossing. I also pondered the newest adaptation of Dune (with all of the stars in it, ALL OF THEM) and watched the [...]

Bruised and Distracted

My life — and this blog — have always leaned into distractions. The self-soothing techniques I learned as a little kid in a dysfunctional household may not be the healthiest: escapism through reading; watching movies and TV; and playing video games. But I had no idea this early training would serve me so well in [...]

Physiological Noise

Well, I made it through another work week. But these big moods are taking a toll on my body. I have an unusually low resting heart rate. 55bpm. But not this week. My heart has been racing, no matter what I do. Initially, I blamed Sudafed. But I only took one dose of that on [...]

Adaptation in the Face of Crisis

I have been trying my best to limit the amount of news I take in daily. But every day there’s one new gut punch after another. I was in tears this morning before my coffee was done brewing. Like some, I am lucky to still have my job and it is one I am able [...]