I have no focus today. I am focus-less. Or maybe it would be “without foci” - no idea. But usually I can make myself a To Do list in the morning and then whip through the crucial tasks before bedtime. Today, not so much. Since coming home from work I’ve found myself spacing out. Somebody slap me. Or not. Maybe a gentle nudge would do the trick.

How about the good, the bad and the fugly?

The good: recently announced, Sonic Youth (who I love but haven’t seen live in over a decade) will be playing with The Flaming Lips, and I already have tickets!

The bad: Desmond Dekker died of a heart attack over the weekend, at the age of 64.

The fugly: I rarely link to Go Fug Yourself, because, like Dooce, it’s a no-brainer. Yawl are probably going there regularly already. But the Pirates of the Fugabbean post was especially choice (even though, or perhaps because, I do like both Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley).

Bonus: Pauline Kelar’s most recent post was simply this: “At some point you have to stop writing commentary and just live” - which brought to mind a conversation I had with Chuck about living in the moment vs. documenting it, by videotaping/photographing. Must ponder this some more before coming back to it…
Plus: It’s unkind, but my snarky side got a kick out of the Second Annual Myspace Stupid Haircut Awards. Oh my. I’m going to hell. In a handbasket.
And: So sad. I missed the gutter extrusion at the house today (though the husband called me as soon as the guys showed up, which made me happy). Probably for the best. I imagined it being super-cool, like the Play-Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop sets of yore. Reality likely would have disappointed. It usually does.

When I first heard about Carl Honoré’s book, In Praise of Slowness, my life was out of control…to the point I constantly felt overwhelmed. It took a tragedy for me to slow down and take stock. Over the last few months I’ve made some pretty big life changes, and have had more time to slowly digest this book while putting some of its ideas into practice. That doesn’t mean I’ve achieved perfect balance yet. Far from it. I am still incapable of pacing myself in certain situations. I can’t always stop myself from racing through the things I enjoy (Friday night the husband came home with a book I wanted to read - I devoured it overnight). The inverse is true for tasks I don’t relish, but still need to take care of. But hey, I’m a work in a progress.

Now for some fluff. I’ve been a tomboy since I was a little girl, but I have always loved shoes. Yesterday I stumbled across the dreamiest pair. Italian, of course. These lovely open-toed slingbacks have wedges made of real wood, and the uppers are the perfect shade of green (ficus leaf, according to the description). But a) they’re leather and b) sticker shock, they’re $395!? Why can’t someone - I’m looking at you, matt & nat - replicate these for me in a vegan-friendly synthetic leather, for oh, about 1/10th the price? A girl can dream.

Bonus: Let’s see how often I can post about Iceland. Obsessed much? Well, Jimbus just took a trip there and the Iceland Airwaves Festival is right around the corner, in October. Naturally I would love to go.
Plus: Another place I’d love to visit…Portland, in general. But the Out’n'About Treesort, in particular (a lucky co-worker of mine took a dream vacation there a while back). I made the mistake of showing the site to the little man. I mean, this is the kid who wants to live in the Ewok Village (who doesn’t?) so yeah, of course he would like to stay in some amazing treehouses. Looks like we’re not the only ones interested. Soon reservations will be taken for the summer of 2007. Doh.
And: Another co-worker sent out a link to this bizarre mash-up, Cosby Bebop, from YTMND. Even creepier than House of Cosbys, because it co-opts my beloved Cowboy Bebop.

Last weekend’s weather was very March-like. This week we’ve fast forwarded to the heat of July. And I’m unprepared for it. This morning I was scrambling to put together a weather-appropriate outfit, while a bit on the sleep-deprived side. I’d been too hot to sleep well last night. Around 3am I even moved downstairs, making a half-hearted attempt to sleep on the vinyl-covered futon. Doesn’t that just scream comfort? Anyhow, not long after I settled in I heard the little man moving around upstairs. The boy is not known for his stealth. His first trip was to the bathroom. So far so good. His second trip was into my room, looking for me (because I’m always good for a cuddle, even in the middle of the night. The husband…not so much). I considered dragging my weary body back upstairs but it didn’t take long for him to return to his own room. And that was that. Or so I thought. When he first woke up this morning he whispered to me “mom, I had a bad dream. [insert dramatic pause] I thought I lost you.” Oh, god. That got me right here (and by here I am gesturing, theatrically, with both hands covering my heart). Nothing like a little guilt to get the day started.

The other not so great way to start the day? Stumbling into the kitchen to make coffee…and looking out the patio doors to see a man standing on my deck. I guess the adrenaline rush might have been better than coffee, but I could have done without it. Thankfully it was just one of the roofers, back for a 6:40am start. But they’d only left around 9:20pm last night. It’s after 9pm tonight and guess what? They’re still here. Hammering away.

Sometimes I envy the husband, and the fact that he works from home full-time. These feelings surface in very specific situations. Say, when I have to leave extra early in the morning because there’s a snowstorm to slog through to get the little man to his bus stop on time, and myself to the office. But winter has passed. And I am a far more social creature than he and revel in the company of my co-workers, so I enjoy working in our lovely office space. And I’ll be enjoying it even more this week. The roofers are coming, to completely replace our roof and gutters. The computer room is in the upstairs of our house so I imagine there will be much distracting activity overhead while the husband attempts to work. But this will all be over with, allegedly, in two to three days. Though we’ll be paying for it for a while longer than that…

Bonus: For my fellow Firely fans…Operation Rescue: Ariel Ambulance reached their initial fundraising goal and acquired the ambulance prop from the Ariel episode. Expect to see it at cons sometime in the near future.
Plus: Recently the husband had been telling me about the Nintendo Wii, and it’s strange wireless controllers with built in motion sensors. But seeing it only reinforced my reservations. I fear the little man will a) accidentally whack someone in the head while playing; b) lose the controllers; or c) both.

The little man has always been a fickle creature. And he’s been locked in a fairly uncooperative phase for a while now, though the lad will occasionally surprise me. The weekend was a mixed bag. Friday afternoon’s swimming lesson went, well, swimmingly (oy, I’m turning into my Dad, what with the bad puns and all). Seriously, it was fantastic. He was mostly listening to his instructor during the lesson, but the real magic occurred afterwards, when we stuck around for another hour or so. His comfort level in the water has increased tenfold over the last few weeks. For the first time he went completely under water willingly, without coercion. It was actually his idea. And, like any other time he gets stuck in a routine, he proceeded to bob underwater several dozen more times in succession. Showing him how to hold his breath, and his nose, really helped with this. We even bobbed under water together, hand-in-hand (this from a boy who has screeched and put up a fight every single time we’ve shampooed his hair in the last several years). Truly magical moments.

Saturday was a different day. I’d hoped to swing by some Art-A-Whirl happenings before the pillow fight. But that wasn’t to be. At least I was able to get him to Logan Park. But upon arrival there was only one person he was familiar with, and the playground lured him away. Not that I can blame him. Playground equipment has got to be far more interesting to a six year-old than a handful of strange adults clutching pillows. Thankfully some more folks arrived. It was a small yet enthusiastic turnout, with the pillow fight erupting spontaneously. But it wasn’t until it was sorta dying down that the little man got into the swing of things…and proceeded to pick on one of my friends almost exclusively. Good times.

Afterwards I tried to convince the lad we should go Art-A-Whirling, but he was having none of it. He wanted to go home. Until I mentioned the Minneapolis Central Library’s grand opening festivities. I guess I’ve raised him right, because the lad has a thing for libraries. He perked right up at that idea, so away we went. But the crush of humanity was too much for this claustrophobic mama. We’ll go back when it’s less intense, and I’ll be able to whip out my camera without fear of losing my child. All the talk of the library opening led me to remember something…that I’d taken photos of the old library’s closing, back in 2002. So I uploaded those photos to flickr.

I completely spaced on the fact that a friend was hosting a vegan potluck/bbq Saturday evening. For weeks I’d been planning to attend, but somehow I just lost the plot. And, after we’d gotten home from running around Saturday afternoon, I was looking out the back patio as the sun finally came out, and thinking how nice a bbq would be. Stupid faulty brain. I need a refund. Anyhow, Sunday I’d hoped to make it out to Art-A-Whirl, but we didn’t even leave St. Paul. At least I did get to meet MrMan, and his mom, the fabulous Shokufeh. She’s even more adorable in real life.

Bonus: Oh, the craftiness over at Milk and Cake, with an idea from MakeZine made real. Maybe I ought to give that a try too…
Plus: Found through flickr, of course, a group of aerial acrobats who performed during half time at the Seattle Roller Derby. The best of both worlds! Speaking of flickr, I joined yet another pool that called to me (I am now a member of 627 of them, no lie, and yes, I realize this is sick and wrong). After adding a photo of the little man to it, it’s now been posted to the group pool’s blog: Mama Says Om.
And: My flipping iPod died again, so in the car yesterday I was toggling between Radio K and MPR. Happened to hear Garrison Kiellor, hosting PHC from my home-away-from-home, Reykjavik. I will go back. It might take another five years between trips, but oh yes, I will return. Did that sound ominous enough? Oops.

It’s been a weird week, to be capped off by an outrageously busy weekend. I should be doing much to prepare for it. Instead? I’m still in my pajamas and haven’t accomplished much more than having breakfast (and losing some more of my life to flickr). But some days are just like that. The little man is on break from school, from today through May 31st. The year-round schedule has its benefits, but the big breaks at random intervals…that takes some getting used to.

Friday:

• The lad has another of his dreaded swimming lessons this afternoon.
• Art-A-Whirl begins. In particular I want to see Sean Tubridy’s amazing work, and an aerial performance by Xelias (as we do every year).
• Initial D shows at the Riverview Theater at midnight.

Saturday:

• A day of festivities to celebrate the grand opening of the Minneapolis Central Library.
• The full 411 on Pillow Fight Club has been revealed. 2:00pm at Logan Park (Broadway and Monroe) in Minneapolis. Be there or be square. Or something.
• Artful Super Saturdays at Intermedia Arts. Always fun for the whole family, and this time with shadow puppets. Neat.
• Signal to Trust is at the Turf Club.
• Mogwai plays the main room.

Sunday:

• My long-time internet friend Shokufeh is coming to town, and we’re going to meet for the first time. Yay!
• It’s Family Art Day at the Minnesota Museum of American Art, complete with balloon sculptures.
• Somewhere in this hectic weekend we have to squeeze in the Xelias performance. Maybe Sunday at 1pm?

Phew. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but that is more than enough to keep us occupied.

Bonus: Kylark has pointed out a book I should pick up. Mindblindness: An Essay on Autism and Theory of Mind looks like a fascinating read (even if the cover is creepy).
Plus: This Stone Golem suit is absolutely freaking amazing (via boingboing).
And: “The Eco Kettle makes it easy to boil only the amount of water you actually need, so you can save energy, save water and save time, making it better for the planet… and you still get to have a great cup of tea.” (via PopGadget)

I’ve been too distracted this week to post my usual bits of randomness. Jasmine is dying. We’ve known about the tumor for a couple of months now, but her condition has been steadily deteriorating. I’m at my wit’s end. Whenever I think her time might be up, I sit with her and cuddle and play and it doesn’t seem like she’s ready yet. Yesterday she was overjoyed to go outside and roll around on the sidewalk and chew on some grass. And when I gave her a plate of wet cat food, well, it was like a little slice of heaven. She gobbled it right up. Afterwards she sat on my lap for a spell, purring and looking up at me affectionately. How on earth am I supposed to know when it’s time? It’s not like when I’ve been ill and medical professions have asked me to rate my pain on a scale from one to ten. My poor cat can’t tell me that. But I wish to god she could.

Update: It’s some small comfort that, in this day and age, our vet uses email. If I’d had to have this conversation with her over the phone I would have been in tears and/or hyperventilating. Instead I was able to calmly send an email and fairly calmly read her reply.

In general, when cats start to reach the end stages of their diseases, they tend to withdraw from their normal daily activities and interactions. Cats do not often show visible signs of pain or “complain” about pain by whining or panting like dogs sometimes do. What cats tend to do is go off by themselves. They might seek out odd places to sleep or hide that are not places they normally spend time, such as under a bed or in a closet. They don’t want as much interaction with people and will often stop grooming (so the coat may look greasy or ratty), eating, showing interest in normal daily activities (such as appearing when you get home from work), or other similar changes in behavior. If Jasmine is still eating, drinking, and affectionate with you, then it sounds to me like chances are at this point she is probably not experiencing a significant amount of pain. However, trust yourself and your gut feelings. You live with her and know her best, so you are the best judge of her behavior.

So not just yet. But probably soon. Sigh.

It’s been a bittersweet sort of weekend. Yesterday was good. The day was spent lounging around the house, half-heartedly cleaning, but mostly relaxing. In the evening our wonderful babysitter came over, allowing the husband and I to go out. Together. A rare event, really. And I am so glad we chose to eat at Namaste. It’s a new Nepalese restaurant in Uptown (once again I have Chel to thank for one of my weekend food choices). The restaurant is lovely. Open and airy and serene. It likely wouldn’t have been so serene had the little man been along. Anyhow, it was a relaxing meal, with a number of vegan options to choose from. My favorites…I started off with the vanilla nutmeg chai (made with soy milk), the spiced potato appetizer, and some of the husband’s cauliflower with potatoes and peas. Yum. And though it’s Nepalese, it’s different enough from our beloved Everest that we can enjoy both. Afterwards I attempted to take the husband to Intelligent Nutrients, so he could try their vegan turtle cake, but they were closed. Doh. It was just as well. We were able to head over to the Riverview Theater without having to rush, to catch a showing of The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. I’m not going to give anything away, but wow, I totally did not recognize Dwight Yoakam. Weird.

Today, well, we’ve been a bit on the tired and cranky side. We neglected to tell the babysitter what time to put the little man to bed, and he stayed up too late. And then we all overslept. And we had places to go and people to see today. But all that running around did help somewhat, as I’ve been trying to keep my busy brain away from the fact that this Mother’s Day I’d expected to finally be a mother of two. Thank the heavens I have my little man. But I would have loved for him to have a sibling, and he really was looking forward to being a big brother. Maybe someday.

It’s been a very good week, despite the little man’s absurd wake up calls. Not once, but twice this week he was wide awake at 4am (which means I was too). Hmmm. Anyhow, the week in review:

• Monday’s Sigur Ros show ruled.
• Thursday’s Art by Design reception was lovely. I met a toy designer (dream job, no?) and my lovely in-laws came down, along with the husband. A few of my fine co-workers showed up as well. Thanks guys!
• Remember the “two left boots” fiasco? Well, last week I shipped ‘em back to the ebay seller, in the UK. She just received them and refunded me, for the cost of the item and the cost of shipping. So that’s done with. Naturally I’ve already turned around and spent a portion of the refund…on lightning bolt wrist cuffs, a necessity in this modern age, of course. Ummm.
• This week I worked out three times and on two of those occasions I ran into friends at the gym. First, the marvelous Maggie, who is training for a triathlon (madness). And then Rachel - who gave me the good news that she has defended her dissertation and is now, technically, a doctor. Congratulations! She also gave me the heads up on Alton Brown’s baked brown rice recipe. Made it last night and it is by far the best brown rice I’ve ever had. The husband remarked that that’s not saying much, but really, it was quite tasty and I’ll be making it again.
• Yesterday I had lunch with co-worker friends on my home turf at St. Paul’s Everest. It was a good time. And when they all went back to work I went home and napped (because my sinuses are still killing me). It’s wonderful having Mondays and Fridays off - in addition to Saturdays and Sundays. Four-day weekends forever!
• The little man’s swimming lesson went particularly well yesterday. We discovered the key to really get him kicking. It involves me floating along just behind him, encouraging him to kick hard so he can splash me. It worked wonders. Guess the idea of drenching mom was just the motivation he needed.

Bonus: Tickets for The Flaming Lips show go on sale at noon today. Oh yes, they will be mine. Mouhahaha!
Plus: The good news? Asian Media Access is back at it, showcasing movies on Friday nights at the Riverview Theater. The bad news? Once again they’re being shown at midnight. Groan. Even in my pre-motherhood days I had a hard time staying awake for them. I would go, mind you, but would often doze off in my seat. Anyhow, last night they showed House of Fury, which looks pretty funny. But next week it’s Initial D, which I’ve been wanting to see, especially on the big screen. Maybe.
And: Speaking of movies…tonight’s “date night” is nearly upon us and it is looking like it will, once again, be dinner and a movie. The weather is crappy and there doesn’t seem to be much going on so I guess I can live with that. This time.

I’ll admit, for a mom, I really do get out a lot. A heckuvalot more than many other moms I know. But it’s all because the husband is an introverted shut-in. Okay, that might be a little harsh, but he does seem to be happier at home. But I’m going to crash his little party of one and bust him out of his hermitude not once, but twice this week! First, that reception thingie for the art exhibit (the one with a few my photos in it) is tomorrow afternoon. My in-laws are coming down and will be joined by, *gasp*, the husband. I’m as shocked as anyone. Secondly, I decided we should get out this weekend. Just the two of us. Besides…our babysitter is moving to France before long. But now there’s the question of what to do. I’d like to think we haven’t turned into an old couple. Sadly there aren’t any good shows going on (all the big stuff is happening on the 20th, which I will tell yawl about in a future post) and the only plan we ever come up with is the oh-so standard dinner and a movie. Booooooooooooorrrrrring. Got any other ideas? Please. Share them. We need your help. Marty did give me the heads up about the Wicked Sister Dance Theatre’s “Acromancia: A Vaudevillian Menagerie of Acrobatics, Theatre and Dance” at the Old Arizona. Sounds like it’s right up my alley, but I’m still awaiting a yea or nay vote from my other half. So the suggestions? Keep ‘em coming.

Bonus: Oh, evil teevee. I mock you, yet I not-so-secretly love many of your offerings. It figures that the shows I am most interested in are only on cable (if I ever were to succumb even more of my time and life energy would be sucked away, so no thank you). I am intrigued by the SciFi Channel’s upcoming show, Who Wants to Be a Super Hero? With Stan Lee! Must. Resist. Temptation.
Plus: Lately many of my favorite things are found via flickr. Today’s find? This camera van. Sure made me smile, and I wasn’t even near it.
And: I’m so very stoked that The Flaming Lips will be playing in town this summer. But at the Minnesota State Fair? That’s just plain weird. Like the Lips, I guess. Tickets go on sale Saturday.