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This Is What “High Risk” Is All About

I’m writing this from the hospital. Oddly enough, the maternity ward has a free wireless network, and I happened to bring my laptop with me to work yesterday morning. The day started well enough, but around lunchtime I began to notice that I wasn’t noticing baby Felix moving. By afternoon I was in a panic. I called my clinic. I was instructed to drink something cold and sweet, lie down on my side for an hour, and count how many times the baby moved. He didn’t. At all. I’d been given an emergency nurse line to call. I was told to get myself to the hospital. Thankfully the in-laws were available to take the little man after school, and the husband was able to meet me here. After some initial hemming and hawing in the exam room, a specialist from the perinatal clinic came in, took the helm of the ultrasound machine, and delivered the bad news. Baby Felix is gone. Just, gone. Later on I called my folks. My step-mother wanted to know what happened. Well, nothing. Nothing has happened, or is happening. The baby has ceased to be. But what will happen…well, labor will be induced sometime later this morning and we’ll get to see little Felix before we say goodbye to him. The sedative I was given makes this all seem even more surreal, but my eyes still sting from crying.