Btw, the weekend was good. But not restful. We were very busy. Errands were run. Chores done. Well, some of them. Mother’s Day cards created for and distributed to various mothers throughout the metro area. As a mother myself I was treated to a fine brunch (thanks ladies!) and many hugs and kisses from my darling son. But I am lucky enough to receive the latter every day.

There was a brief time where everything seemed to be lining up for me. My future somewhat spelled out, in a desirable manner. Now it’s all up in the air again. With difficult decisions waiting to be made and consequences dealt with. After one failed decision-making attempt I’m wishing my options were a bit more finite. Instead I feel like I’m trapped in a choose your own adventure tale, where one wrong turn could spell peril for our wary heroine.

Thirteen years. It feels like it was just yesterday. Some memories blur and fade, others slap me in the face with a startling intensity. It was thirteen years ago today that I lost my brother. To a disease with no known cause. A disease that our inept family doctor wrote off as a common cold. Then mononucleosis. After months of fatigue my brother was finally referred to an oncologist. But it was too late. To be fair, adult acute lymphocytic leukemia develops quickly and often is difficult to diagnose. The early signs may be similar to the flu or other common diseases. But still. If it had been caught it earlier…if he’d been treated in time…if he’d received the best care possible…if, if, if. Then I would still have my brother. My friend. An uncle for my son. I’ve put this together. Mostly for myself, but also for those who may remember him. Or those who want to know more about him.

Gloomy day. Despite recent May Day festivities and Cinco de Mayo celebrations, the elusive Spring will not be showing itself this week. Forecast predicts cold rain is on its way. I’ll be keeping warm by seeing red tonight. Well, seeing “Seeing Red” really.

The local weather forecast mirrors my life (or vice versa) on an eerily frequent basis. Perhaps their copywriters are former employees of the psychic friends network.

Crikey, how could I have forgotten? May is National Masturbation Month! Was only reminded of it as I’d pointed out the Good Vibrations site to the darling Daniel…who then paid me one of the best-ever compliments:
“wow, a site both about sex and visually appealing with a clever ethic. it’s like, you as a website. very cool.”

Heh. Now go sign up for the Masturbate-A-Thon. We already know you’re masturbating. May as well do it for a good cause.

Didn’t manage to get this up yesterday..but it’s not too late to check it out.

Went to the dentist the other day for my six-month checkup, expecting the usual. I floss occasionally (need to work on that) and brush my teeth like mad. Haven’t had a cavity in 17+ years. So generally very little occurs at these check-ups, other than the usual polishing and whatnot. But this time. Sigh. The dentist strongly suggested I have my sealants retouched. It’s been over a decade since the last application…which I have bad memories of. Foul-tasting goo, difficulty breathing through all the equipment crammed in my mouth. But a new concern is added to the prospect of this procedure. $256. As I am (well) over the age of 18, my dental insurance will not pay for a cent of it. I was guilt-tripped into booking an appointment for next week, but I also need to have my catalytic converter replaced. And soon. Ah, the joys of adulthood.

MIA :: a favorite cardigan, the allen wrench set that came with my bedframe, the check a friend wrote me last week, my memory, optimism and sanity
recovered :: a ten dollar bill, my engagement ring (circa 1993), my allergies, pessimism and paranoia

Free vegan food makes me happy. This morning a lovely co-worker brought me more vegan muffins (from his other job). And just a bit ago I scored pita and hummus, fancy-cut carrot sticks, broccoli, and some spinach-rice pilaf. There’s Tabouleh too, but I have to be in the mood for it. Besides, no one makes it like my Grandma’s. Yes, her American-style cooking was dreadful. Spaghetti noodles over-cooked, then frozen (for the love of pete, why?) and re-heated until they were mush. Pancakes missing key ingredients, like sugar or baking powder. But her Lebanese dishes were divine. I think I’ve mastered Loubieh, but have yet to attempt making grape leaves or flatbread. And I haven’t made Mujaddarah or Rishta in ages. Should put that on the To Do list for this weekend.