Today was our first full day without Jasmine. It was a rough one (I still catch myself looking around the house for her). But it was also notable in that today’s date bore the number of the beast. People do get worked up about the silliest things. But hey, growing up Catholic, being superstitious was second nature. I’ve since moved on. Mostly. Anyhow, work helped keep my mind busy today. If I’d stayed home I might have moped, and I’ve done more than enough moping this year. After work we forged on, by dining on grilled tofu and veggie kebabs at the little man’s grandparents’, on their deck overlooking wooded hills. It was lovely. Now that we’ve returned to our rather empty-feeling home I’m seeking out other distractions. Preferably things that might make me smile, like Gaijin a Go-Go. Just check out those names! Mikasa S. Sukasa is my favorite. And I’ll have to show this to the little man tomorrow morning: the Nintendo Amusement Park, where you can be the best Mario you can be.

Speaking of the lad…he knows my birthday is coming up, so this morning he asked what sort of theme I was going to have for my birthday party. A logical question, since he very carefully chooses one every year for his own. I told him I hadn’t planned on having a theme, but he was full of suggestions. “Disney?” he prompted. Oh noooooo! “How about Snow White?” Yeah, and maybe I’ll don a pink tutu and a tiara and ask everyone to bring me Barbie dolls and Polly Pocket toys. I blame the little girls in his kindergarten class. Not a single tomboy among them. Geesh.

Bonus: Recently we watched season one of Creature Comforts. Some of the humor was too subtle and/or over the little man’s head, but there was enough fun-for-everyone that we all enjoyed it. Highly recommended.

And the doom and gloom machine lumbers on. We said goodbye to Jasmine today. It was time. As difficult as it was to make that appointment, there was no doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing. Over the weekend it became obvious that she’d gone beyond coping with her illness to being incapacitated by it. Our last trip to the vet is going to stay with me for a long time to come. I can take comfort in knowing that Jasmine led a good life these last fourteen years (she was probably about sixteen years old, hard to say because she was already an adult when my ex and I found her downtown Minneapolis). She had a quiet strength about her and always comforted me when I was feeling low. I’m feeling mighty low right now, but she’s gone.

It was another week of mixed emotions. The little man and I spent two days at the Children’s Hospital, so that he could undergo a re-evaluation with his psychologist. Day one he was completely co-operative. Day two he wasn’t difficult, per se, but extremely distracted. Which was a good thing, actually, as it helped give his doc a more complete picture. In a few weeks the husband and I will go back to meet with her, to discuss her findings, but she did give me a heads up. She’s planning to change his diagnosis from PDD-NOS to PDD. You’d think that losing three characters of the acronym would be a good thing, but it actually means his condition has been upgraded (or downgraded?) to place him more squarely on the autism spectrum. When I broke the news to the husband he paused and simply said “that makes me sad.” Yeah, me too. It only makes me worry more about the little man’s vulnerability, and about his future. But I need to focus on the now. The upside? This change in diagnosis means we have a better shot at getting our health insurance provider to pay for the help the little man so desperately needs - like one-on-one occupational and speech therapy. Keep your fingers crossed.

Also depressing…Jasmine’s condition is steadily deteriorating. Not that I expected anything else, but it’s been awful bearing witness to her decline. At this point she is only able to eat baby food (and yes, it gives me pause, as a vegan, to be purchasing pureed turkey, but it’s no worse than the cat food I’ve been buying for years) and she is no longer going up or downstairs. Instead she is living out the last of her days on the main floor. So I bought another litter box, placing it where she could easily access it. Instead she is relieving herself wherever she happens to be. Thankfully we have hard wood floors. Sigh.

And another thing…I’ve been torturing myself by looking at real estate listings in Minneapolis, though we’re nearly a year away from any sort of move being realistic. We’ve still got a long To Do list of repairs to make to our current house, and we have to straighten out some financial/credit issues. But commuting back and forth daily is driving me crazy. And it’ll only get worse come winter.

Thankfully there have been good moments this week as well. The three of us had a good visit to the Children’s Museum. And the little man and I had a lovely walk to our neighborhood library one day, and went on a riverboat ride down the Mississippi another. And yesterday the husband joined us, for the first time, for the little man’s weekly swimming lesson. It was fantastic. I wish he could come along every week.