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It’s Only Heavy If You Lift It

It was a rough week, on multiple levels. The trial of Derek Chauvin has been grueling. The prosection has been doing a great job and I am so proud of the witnesses who have testified so far. And this is causing vicarious trauma, particularly for our Black brothers and sisters in our community and around the country. The conclusion to this trial had better lead to justice for George Floyd.

On top of that, my first week of taking Prozac has been a rough one. I have experienced nearly all of the potential side effects. Particularly the increased anxiety and insomnia, the two main symptoms I need the most help with. Things are supposed to settle down after a couple of weeks so I’ll try to stick it out.

In better news, tomorrow my son gets his first dose of the vaccine. We’re a Moderna family, all around. I’ll have my second dose on April 14th. I’ve pre-ordered these “I’m Vaccinated” pins for us. And I’m taking two weeks of vacation time in June. We’ll be fully vaccinated by then. I still don’t feel comfortable flying anywhere but we’ll probably take a road trip.

Five good things:

  • Hannah Gadsby on the “Comfort Cocoon” She Calls Her Clothes
    The comedian and writer decided to drastically minimize her wardrobe “because my sense of self is not defined by how the world sees me, it is defined by how I feel in the world.”
    So relatable. In the last decade, I’ve been working toward this comfort cocoon myself, but the pandemic certainly pushed me along in this journey.
  • Yesterday I woke up and broke with routine. Usually, I listen to podcasts while starting my day. But I couldn’t handle listening to any of my favorite talky-talk shows. Instead, I turned to Song Exploder. There are so many episodes I hadn’t heard. I particularly enjoyed the Khruangbin, Robyn, and Lindsey Buckingham episodes.
  • A very relevant-to-me twitter thread about “soft skills” (boo) vs interpersonal skills led to the discovery of a super helpful resource that is “a table of im/mature coping strategies described in practitioner manuals for treating developmental trauma”
  • I’ve preordered a ticket to stream the Poly Styrene documentary next weekend:
    Raucous music adorns this deep dive into the life of Poly Styrene (1957-2011), frontwoman of the pioneering English punk rock band, X-Ray Spex. A biracial woman operating in a majority-male, overwhelmingly white genre, Styrene made her biggest mark with her boisterous anthem, “Oh Bondage, Up Yours.” Co-directed by Styrene’s daughter Celeste Bell, this involving documentary offers up stirring band footage; recollections of bandmates, friends, and relatives; and most crucially, Bell’s memories of her brilliant, mercurial mother.
  • Yesterday my son and I enjoyed the deliciousness of takeout from Zen Box Izakaya along with Godzilla vs. Kong on HBO. It is showing at the Vali Hi drive-in but those shows are selling out and you have to wait in line in your car for over an hour to get a chance at getting in. I’ll take the comfort of our own couch for now.

I’m working on being kinder to myself. I have a bad habit of beating myself up for not getting enough done. But then I remind myself I’m the single parent of a thriving autistic son. I work two jobs to support us. I’ve raised him to do his share of household chores. If the place isn’t spotless at all times, that is ok. Though it is satisfying when I’m able to tackle some long avoided tasks. Like yesterday, when I pulled everything out of the fridge, including the drawers and shelves, and gave everything a good scrubbing.

Today is Easter. We’re not Christian but we do celebrate with vegan chocolates. I ordered some fancy ones online, like I always do, even though my kid is now an adult. And his chocolate bunny? It came decapitated. The head is still in the box but not attached to the bunny’s body. That’s somehow fitting for our second pandemic Easter. The weather, however, is unusually mild. Last year it snowed on Easter. Today it will be 75° so we’re doing a backyard visit with my ex-husband’s family.

drawing of an angry bunny with the text Greetings from the Beaster Bunny

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