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Reboarding My Train of Thought

My anxiety can make it difficult for me to focus. For years, I’ve been wearing over the ear headphones while working. And while walking, listening to podcasts on my daily treks. My weak points are stillness and mindfulness. I’m working on it. Recently, I cut off contact with someone I care about because I find him to be exhausting. If he takes steps to take care of himself I will happily revisit this relationship. Until then, I don’t want that kind of chaos in my life. It’s draining. But I will miss his companionship. Last year we came together for “cuffing season” and it was mostly comforting and comfortable (but not without its ups and downs). This season I will be partnerless. Again. But probably for the best until I get a better handle on my anxious attachment style.

I’ve also begun using the Calm app for guided meditation, at the recommendation of my therapist. I’ve been following through daily but I’m still fidgety. I can feel the difference after one of the 10-11 minute sessions but during them I find myself yawning, sometimes nearly drooling - while trying to focus on my breath - and my mind definitely wanders. A work in progress but a worthwhile one to help manage my anxiety.

Yes, I’m trying to focus but I do love my distractions. Here are five of them:

Bonus: It’s that time of year again! “5 Hours of Edgar Allan Poe Stories Read by Vincent Price & Basil Rathbone.” We love Halloween around here. I’ve posted an ode to All Hallows Eve on my photoblog and now I can’t get Werewolf Bar Mitzvah out of my head. Spooky scary.

Sunday selfie, walking around Lake Harriet

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