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She’s Gone Where The Goblins Go

Time to rejoice…today is the last day I have to take my gut-rot inducing bizarro-world antibiotics. Never before have I been prescribed something with so many ridiculous restrictions:
Do not take within two hours of eating;
Do not take with antacids, multivitamins, calcium, iron, or magnesium products;
Medication should be taken while standing or sitting upright;
Do not lie down after taking medication;
Medication should be taken with a full glass of water;
Prolonged or excessive exposure to sunlight and/or artificial sunlight should be avoided while taking this medication;
Use of this medicine in children can cause permanent discoloration of the teeth;
If medication is taken improperly, the earth’s moon may be knocked out of its orbit.
Geesh. And I thought I was fussy.