Well, my weekend went sideways. For the past few months I’ve bent over backwards to make space for someone in my life. And it has routinely backfired on me. Interpersonal relationships shouldn’t be this exhausting. It is time to admit defeat. Before this I thought I had made peace with being alone. But the good times with him reminded me what I had been missing. This morning I watched Chidera Eggerue’s TED Talk. A lot of her points are ones I had already worked to internalize over the last few years. I do like who I am when I am alone. I am good company, for myself. Which is why I often travel alone and have a great time while doing so. And yet. I still find myself attracted to aloof, indifferent men. So this really hit home:
You’ll find this person doesn’t even know what they want. And the problem with people who don’t know what they want is that you will never be enough for them.
That scans. Time to let that one go. It hurts now but it will be better in the long run.
Had some unexpected good news this morning to offset this, a little. My federal tax refund magically appeared in my account today, despite having filed just last week. I was able to pay off some bills, and sock away some money for our big trip next month. Bonus? My son has been getting into indoor climbing. A relief to get him doing something physically active and away from staring at YouTube. For Giftmas I bought him climbing shoes and a harness. He already had plans to go climbing today and it just happens to be the annual one day sale at Vertical Endeavors. I was able to buy the kid a membership at quite the discount (he had been paying $18 per visit - this will make his new pastime much more affordable). Moving forward I hope to find more unanticipated good. I am certainly open to it.
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