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Every Moment is Now

The not-so-little man and I get along famously. Most of the time. Which is good, because we’re usually on our own, just the two of us. So when things go badly it can be baffling and painful. Like yesterday. The day started off nicely. We stopped by Cupcake Saturday on the way to The Minneapolis Institute of Arts. After a quiet dinner at home we headed to Barebones, without other people, which was probably for the best. On the drive there he brought up topics that pack a wallop, though he is unaware of their emotional content. About how our house was more “fun” when my ex-husband lived with us. And how I should still try to give him a brother or sister and if I need to go to the hospital he could just stay with my former in-laws but he wouldn’t want the babies to die this time. Ouch. I’ll be having a chat with his psychologist soon. I don’t want to discourage him from sharing his thoughts and feelings, but I can only take being sucker-punched so often. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been desensitized to it. Other times it leaves me a ragged mess. Like last night. I was already on edge by the time we got to the performance. Still, it started out well enough. Until the boy got all squirmy and whiny and was talking through it and then demanding to go home because he was tired. We left before the end - the end of the show, and the end of my patience. And then I had a sad, sleepless night.

Today I am procrastinating. Needing to get many things done but I am a glassy-eyed wreck. Daydreaming instead of focusing on the now. And somewhat fixated on planning a trip to Nantes, France. Hopefully in 2010, if I can pull it off, for the opening of the Marine Worlds Carrousel from the Les Machines de l’Ile project. Thoughts like these help get me through the day.

day 299, having my cupcake


  1. Joe wrote:

    Holy crap. Your trip to Nantes sounds incredible. Viva Jules Verne!

    Sunday, October 26, 2008 at 7:42 pm | Permalink
  2. Nick wrote:

    After looking at that link to the Nantes site….my mind turned to goo and spilled out onto the floor. MIND=BLOWN.

    Monday, October 27, 2008 at 10:17 am | Permalink
  3. Sharyn wrote:

    Doesn’t that look amazing? I first heard about Nantes when they hosted a three-day festival honoring Jules Vernes (on the 100th anniversary of his death). I need to make this trip happen, but the question will be - with or without the boy? He’ll be ten going on eleven by then, but hmmm.

    Monday, October 27, 2008 at 10:24 am | Permalink

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